Okay, we need to move this company forward. We need new venture, something we haven’t done before. We could sell heroin. Heroin, perfect. What is it? Okay, it says here It’s illegal. Dammit. Okay, have legal team look into that.
Where do we source it? Okay. It says it’s grown on massive farms in Afghanistan run by Tyrannical warlords. So it’s organic. Bingo! Rich people love that shit. Have we looked into the floating on the stock market? No, we just came up with the idea two seconds ago? Okay good.
How do we sell it? Street corners, peer pressure. Competitors, who do we have? It says here we’ve got the Taliban, the Iranian Mafia and a bunch of lads from Love/Hate. What is the current market image? Bedsit, soiled mattress, tears. Not good. Celebrities, who do we have? Okay, Michael D. Higgins says he’s not interested. Dammit Why?
-Same reason as last time, he wants more money. Okay, art department
What do we have? We’ve got a couple, okay Candlelit dinner. They’re young, they’re hip, they’re trendy. They’re burning heroin over the flame. Now that’s the story I wanna hear.