Film Theory: The Cost of Disney’s DARKEST Business!! (Pinocchio)

Film Theory: The Cost of Disney’s DARKEST Business!! (Pinocchio)


Okay so everyone always thinks about
Pinocchio’s nose because it’s quite literally right there in your face but
have you ever considered this ? In order to keep standing Pinocchio would need to
bend backwards significantly to balance out the added weight of that branch and
eventually even the bird’s nest at the end. But look!
Pinocchio isn’t leaning back at all to compensate which means that he must have
some kind of counterbalance growing in his uh-oh …. Oh my…. I like BIG BUTTS and I cannot lie! Hello Internet!
Welcome to Film Theory! The show that has no corporate strings to hold us down –
which is why we get to talk about things like child slavery and Disney films.
That’s right, today we’re going all the way back to that Disney classic about
the exploitation of child laborers Pinocchio. Now as a kid this movie just
really provided me with years worth of Nightmare fuel.
I mean Monstros mouth anyone? Children turning into literal work mules! It’s
terrifying but looking back on it now Pinocchio actually raises a lot of
questions. Like, did people really just throw money during marionette shows like
some kind of puppet strip club? If people who go to Pleasure Island become
jackasses are the other animals that we see throughout the movie also people?
Or are they’re just animals who actually do walk around as living
creatures? What about this Fox is awfully human. What about Jiminy Cricket? We
haven’t even gotten into the logistics of literally lighting a fire inside a
whale! Sadly though, all these questions are gonna have to wait for another day
because today we are tackling everyone’s favorite subject – business. Specifically
the business of Pleasure Island. The bizarro 1940s bad boys utopia. “Look at yourself. Smoking tobacco! Playing pool!” Today’s
episode is all about the incredibly scary reality that Pleasure Island as we
see it in the movie Pinocchio could have actually existed in real life. I like to
call this episode “How to Succeed in Child Slavery Without Really Trying”. But
first, a recap because I can’t assume that you guys have seen this Pinocchio
is really old at this point. I mean to kids nowadays Tangled is probably like
the furthest back they go and call it a Disney classic. Oh boy! Anyway, this guy
name Geppetto is a clock maker and a vaguely European disney-esque country
around the turn of the century, who makes a marionette named Pinocchio and then
wishes for him to become a real boy boy . the Blue Fairy comes down and grants his
wish but in a pure dick move only grants the wish half way because apparently
fairies can just do that for the lols. I’ve given you life because
night Geppetto wished for a real boy. So instead of Pinocchio becoming a real boy he instead becomes a
living puppet monster. Geppetto wakes up sees that his marionette has come to
life and like anyone would do in this situation
goes back to sleep. The next morning though he then shoves Pinocchio out the
door saying hey you’ve existed for 12 hours now surely you can figure out
school right? On the way Pinocchio meets two Foxy swindlers – Honest John Foulfellow and Gideon who proceeded to swindle Pinocchio several times and
doing multiple stupid things like becoming an actor. Until finally leaving
with them to Pleasure Island along with a horde of kidnapped children. Once
Pinocchio and the small army of young boys arrived at Pleasure Island they
drink, smoke, trash a mansion, and destroy all the rides. So basically they become
the 1940s equivalent of team 10. Every day bro! But every good vacation has to
come to an end and the boys start to regret all that indulgence when they
start turning into literal donkeys! It’s revealed that the big scheme behind
the entirety of Pleasure Island is to transform boys into donkeys, who are then
sold off to work in salt mines while the owners of Pleasure Island to make
themselves a hefty little profit. Or is there actually a profit to be had here
at all? Yhis whole thing sounds so ridiculous and far-fetched is there any
chance that kidnapping kids transforming them into donkeys and then selling them
off to the highest bidder is actually a profitable business venture? I mean look
at this! The kids destroy the amusement park! So should the owners of Pleasure
Island just scrap their half-assed plans – or I guess in this case fully-assed
plans – and just sell off the park to become yet another Six Flags?
No! No they shouldn’t! Child kidnapping and donkey sales are actually
surprisingly profitable and I’m about to show you how! Aren’t Disney episodes fun?
So the first question is how much is a donkey actually worth? Going by a equine.com’s prices it seems like most jackasses today sell between $500 and
$2,000 each. Unless of course you’re an MTV branded jackass in which case you’re
worth two and a half million dollars. Since our child jackasses are certainly
more intelligent than most will use the $2,000 per jackass price range. “You are a
great talker. You were like top dog.” Since Pinocchio happens sometimes
around the late 1800s or early 1900s as indicated by the ferris wheel first
introduced in 1893 we’re gonna adjust for inflation and estimate that each
donkey is selling for about seventy six dollars in Pinocchio’s time. And just how
many of these donkeys is the coachman able to sell off in a batch? Well to
answer that we first need to know how many little boys he’s gotten himself a
hold of. The best way to estimate the total
donkey load isn’t actually to count the boys at Pleasure Island, but rather it’s
to look at how they all got there. This Mississippi style steamboat that
transports all the boys to the island also tells us how many victims we’re
gonna be looking at. Passenger river boats of this size with three decks have
an absolute max capacity of 2150 five people. So given the Coachman’s
unscrupulous morals and lack safety records – I mean just look at the kids
falling between Ferris wheel cars – we can assume that he’s stuffing the maximum
number of kids onto this thing as possible. Especially since children are
so much smaller than adults and these boys aren’t carrying any luggage. So
we’re gonna subtract a standard 50 people to account for the boat crew of a
steamer that large, which leaves us with room for a whopping 2105 young boys. It’s
truly a pretty horrifying level of evil that’s going on here in Pleasure Island.
That’s not even accounting for all the rampant racism and underage smoking! So
multiplying everything out we have 2100 for donkeys – minus 1 because
Pinocchio escapes – $76 each gives us one hundred and fifty nine thousand nine
hundred and four dollars. Which might not seem like all that much but remember
this is money way back at the turn of the century. Accounting for inflation, the
coachmen is looking to net a whopping four million two hundred eight thousand
dollars! That’s four million of twenty eighteen dollars. So things are looking
pretty good for the old coachman here right? But the one thing that every
businessman will tell you is that before you go walking off with your profits you
need to start calculating your overhead. And running Pleasure Island isn’t a
simple operation! So we need to factor in the costs of two thousand boys drinking
themselves under the table while destroying an entire amusement park. As I
pointed out earlier, in just one night a boatload of boys managed to level
Pleasure Island into a desolate hellscape. It’s like the world of Fallout.
What’s worse than a nuclear apocalypse? Aw just two thousand young rambunctious
boys lookin to scrap smoke and drink. So how much is it costing the coachman to
rebuild an entire amusement park every time they bring one of these boatloads over? Well initially I calculated out every little piece of wood and every
glass pane broken in here but what I found out was that most of the repairs
were actually just small items that ultimately didn’t make that big of a
difference on the bottom line. At most we were looking at about a thousand dollars
on tobacco which translates to about thirty-eight old-timey dollars, and about
two hundred inflation-adjusted dollars to restock the destroyed mansion with
more old furniture for the boys to tear apart. Both of those numbers not nearly
enough to hit the Coachman’s bottom line. The bigger ticket items though is where
they get you – namely the rides. If we’re running this business we’re basically
gonna need to replace the ferris wheel cars and basically the entirety of the carousel –
which looks like the central axis has actually been bent down the middle. This
all begs a completely separate question, what kind of Hell beasts are these
children? I mean what would enable them to even be able to try bending a
carousel in half? And how many children did it take to accomplish that sort of
thing? Or was it just one super kid? Maybe some solid steel marionette who’s also
on his way to becoming a real boy too. Anyway these are the expensive things to
replace but when you actually run the numbers they don’t wind up being all
that expensive. Ferris wheels are surprisingly cheap. Which is honestly
kind of scary to think about as you dangle 40 feet in the air on one. Smaller
used Ferris wheels cost as little as fifteen thousand dollars. Back in 2008
the Santa Monica Ferris wheel was put on sale on eBay for a mere $50,000 and it’s
worth noting that that Ferris wheel is both large and famous. Which is jacking
up the cost. So we’re gonna assume that the coachman isn’t feeling too spendy
here and we’ll go with that $15,000 estimate or 572 old timey adjusted
dollars. Still nothing that’s even close to making a dent into his total profits.
Now the carousel is gonna run you a bit higher. The cheapest option is from the
carousel works for about three hundred and twenty thousand dollars or twelve
thousand dollars in inflation-adjusted costs. Now they wouldn’t have to buy a
whole new carousel every time so long as the turntable still worked. But from what
I can tell in carousel terms that thing is totaled! Which means that the coachman
is gonna be forking out twelve thousand dollars for a new merry-go-round every
time he does one of these little trips. So between the
two major rides that need to be replaced with every new batch of kids plus all
the smaller incidentals I mentioned, the coachman is looking at about thirteen
thousand dollars worth of operating costs. Which still leaves him with a
hundred forty six thousand nine hundred four dollars or four million dollars of
twenty eighteen money. But the biggest cost here is actually still coming!
Kidnapping the boys in the first place. The coachman has to pay lowlife scum
like Honest John with a big ol sack of loot that we actually get to see. This
sack of loot is so big that it would be totally devastating to carry and ran
calculations on the amount of gold this thing holds by comparing it to the size
and capacity of a standard german beer stein – which we see it lined up against
in this shot – it comes out to about nineteen hundred cubic inches of gold. Which converts to a whopping 1211 troy ounces or 83 pounds of gold. Don’t you be
forgetting about leg day coachman! Now this has got to be the amount of gold
traded to fill the entire boat and this by far is the Coachman’s largest expense
per night – coming in at 1 million six hundred thirty one thousand seven
hundred eighty-five dollars and ninety three cents as of writing this script.
That converts to sixty three thousand one hundred seventy nine dollars in
Pinocchios terms. Oh poor coachman, look at all those human
trafficking profits just melting away! Now our total earnings per boatload of
boys has been sliced in half! Coming to about eighty three thousand
seven hundred and twenty five dollars every time or a bit over two million. Now
honestly that wouldn’t be too bad of a profit for kidnapping two thousand
children and selling them off as donkeys – but we’re still neglecting one huge
consideration here! This whole time we’ve just been assuming that Pleasure Island
was just there but the park had to be built in the first place! And building
the park is gonna be a huge investment for any child kidnappers to be. So let’s
look at the big-ticket items here: first there’s the cost of that swell
rollercoaster. Even small steel cookie cutter roller coasters cost about five
million dollars up front to build or about $190,000 in Pinocchios time. That
cost alone is more than one night could possibly earn at Pleasure Island. So we
know that this isn’t the Coachman’s first time at the rodeo.
He is truly talking from experience when he says, “They never come back… AS BOYS!” In order to make this business
anywhere close to profitable, he’s gonna need more than one boatload of boys. Now
add to that the cost of actually building the structures that we see on
the park grounds including walls, giant gate, mansion, a tower, a pool hall, slides,
and suddenly the costs start growing really fast!
Luckily Pleasure Island is much smaller than most amusement parks, having only a
few rides and only intending to host about 2,000 guests at a time. So we’ll
have to do some scaled estimates based on costs of other similarly sized parks.
Luckily we can use the recent expansion of Universal’s Diagon Alley for Harry
Potter land. A project that cost a reported four hundred million dollars to
make. Now that four hundred million does include a hundred million for the escape
from Gringotts ride so we’ll have to knock that one off, but that still leaves
us with three hundred million dollars for one small section of a theme park.
Even in Pinocchio’s time that is a whopping eleven point four million
dollars. If Pleasure Island were even only the size of just that one small
section of a park there would still be a huge amount of upfront costs in creating
this business. One that would take the coachmen years to recoup. So this whole
thing seems busted then right? With an upfront cost of 11.5 million dollars
between the roller-coaster, the park, the other rides, the employees, 76210 dollars
in costs every time the coachman brings in another batch and they completely
trashed the place – he would need to bring in a hundred and thirty nine boatloads
of small boys to Pleasure Island before he would even start to turn a profit.
That translates to a whopping 292 thousand children. “Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the CHILDREN!” It’s gonna be
impossible right? No. No it’s not. The Coachman’s main source of children
during this time would have been orphans. France kept remarkable records of child
abandonment in the 19th century but they were basically the only country who did
so we’ll have to work off of their numbers. France recorded about a hundred
and sixty four thousand abandoned children annually in the mid-1800s and
that’s just one of many European nations the coachman and his goons could have
been traveling. If Italy and Spain had even half of those numbers the coachman
could have shockingly made his money back in less
and a year! From only the abandoned children of three European countries!
Going into year two it’s actually conceivable that he could have been
running the most profitable enterprise in all of Europe. While most other
countries would have had no idea because they weren’t even keeping records of
orphans. And why how was he able to do this? Why are there so many parentless
children walking around? Because of all the wars happening in Europe during this
era most of these orphans were children whose parents had died in the war. Those
are the children that we see the coachmen snatching up and reselling. In
an unbelievable twist, the supply of abandoned children during this time
period in this part of the world was so incredibly high that the coachman could
have actually pulled off kidnapping and reselling 292,000 children! Making it one
of the most heinous and cold-blooded acts in history! This is the truly
horrifying levels of evil that we see at play in Pinocchio and worst of all the
coachman totally gets away with it in the movie. Old-school Disney is pretty
hardcore but Pinocchio is especially brutal
because in this case we never see any kind of justice served to any of the
villains in this film. In our quote unquote good ending the only one we see
getting rescued is Pinocchio. He’s the only one. All of the other 2,000 children
that we see enter Pleasure Island, that we actually watch get transformed into
donkeys, all of them don’t escape! All of them don’t have a Blue Fairy protecting
them! All of them get sold off into the salt mines to the highest bidder and the
coachman and Honest John and Gideon are all left to run their business for
another day. Just think about that next time you hear Jiminy Cricket talking
about wishing upon a star. I know about three hundred thousand kids who’d like
another crack at their wish but HEY! That’s just a theory!
A Film Theory! Aaaand apropos to nothing, I think everyone deserves a chance to
watch the first five seconds of “Pinocchio in Outer Space”! The adventure
your about to see is based on a true portrayal of outer
space…..

Author:

100 thoughts on “Film Theory: The Cost of Disney’s DARKEST Business!! (Pinocchio)”

  • at 2000 boys a night Monday through Friday it would only take him 27 weeks to break even, just over half a year… not "years and years". and that's assuming all your numbers are correct, I highly doubt that old man was carrying 83 lbs of gold, so its more likely that those coins were gold plated currency, worth much less than your estimated total.

  • Both Chamberlains says:

    As a businessman I have to point out that you are comparing a relatively old-tech and mass-produced set of Ferris wheels today, kinda like if I were to look up the price of a big screen TV that ISN'T flatscreen (if there is a price and itsn't being 'gotten RID of') and then lowering that further by going back for inflation… When that was new it cost more, same with high-end builds back in the day I'm sure. Too bad we can't go find a periodical listing a Ferris wheel for sale from before the great depression x.x OR CAN WE? Thanks to Guinness world records we know that "The original "Ferris" wheel was designed by George Washington Gale Ferris Jr (1859-96), an American bridge and tunnel engineer, and was erected for the World's Columbian Exposition of 1893 in Chicago, Illinois, USA at a cost of $385,000" now I'll grant that it probably reduced in cost soon thereafter, but I would bet $600 that a Ferris wheel has NEVER sold for under $600 of ANY-timey dollars (lol). Don't get me wrong here, I love me some MatPat and theorizing, but this research was incomplete this time. Another point to be made, if you suddenly(one or two years) inject over 200K working donkeys into an industry, how much will that excessive supply depress/depreciate it's value? I'll let you do the research on that one… But that's just a Theory, a (year and a half late, sorry about that, hope you still read serious replies to this) RESEARCH COMPLETIONISTS THEORY! aaaaaand thank you for years of enteretainment, been watching since before film theory launched 🙂 love you guys!

  • You should do a theory for the fox and the hound… Ya know that’s kinda stupid but hey you never know what you’ll find

  • Why would he spend that much on the park if he's evil? Like for some of the rides he can't be prioritising safety, so the roller coaster for example wouldn't have safety testing or safety mechanisms etc. Just a question no hate on the theory.

  • Bridgette Williams says:

    Now I understand why my parents didn't allow us (my siblings and I) to watch Disney movies growing up. The very first Disney movie I watched was Sleeping Beauty, and I was 16 when I watched that. I ended up liking the original Grimm versions of all the Disney movies better!

  • You realize the guy could have just bought the amusement park used since it's not like it was at a prime location (being in an island and all) so it maybe flopped and was up for grabs for cheap, driving the costs down significantly.

  • Does anybody else find it funny that I scrambled my eggs while hitting the spatula against the frying pan to the theme song??? Like if you do

  • the coachman didn't really have to build an amusement park for the kids, he
    could've lied about there being a pleasure island and locked them in a cell
    until they became donkeys, that would've been a lot cheaper.

  • xander du plessis says:

    that's a good question Angharad Wilson! and the answer to that is DISNEY LAND IS A RENOVATED PLEASURE ISLAND AND WHEN YOU BOOK A HOTEL YOUR'E SWAPPED WITH A LIVING PUPPET LOOKALIKE AND MADE TO WORK IN HTE ANIMATION DEPARTMENT FOR THE REST OF YOUR MISRABLE DONKEY LIFE
    it's just how the blue fairy makes money!

  • Matpat I’ll awnser your question for you why Pinocchio doesn’t bend back to keep his nose up
    It’s because in that scene he’s holding onto the bars in the cage

    Also I have a theory that the rabbit in alice in wonderland is the same rabbit who is called roger because there both white rabbits

    But that’s just a theory a fan theory thanks for reading

  • Djeto Entertainment says:

    Do i understand this right?
    The park would cost about 300 mio$
    And per load of children he could make about 2 mio$.
    There are 292.000 children, and if a load is about 2000 that would make 146 loads.
    So after 150 loads he just would start to make profit. So all in all at the time of Pinochio he would still be in debt?

  • Djeto Entertainment says:

    So if he could sell 292.000 childs or 146 loads a year or so. And every load makes about 2 mio$ profit.
    That would make a yearly revenue of 292 mio $

  • Reconsider that the majority of the Disney movies are based off fairy tales and early children stories with dark psychology to make sure that the children would grow up in a certain way

    Disney is only retelling the stories, if not making them more harmless than the original version was

  • I’ve been marathoning your videos since yesterday and this is by far the darkest and most interesting I saw. Great job.

  • Wolfy & Yuri Gaming YT says:

    “The most Clod-Blooded thing in history”
    Me: looks at the game that drives mat insane hmm Lets rethink that, purple guy

  • you NEED to see steve reinkes short ASSPLAY from the 100 series. its a revelation. http://www.desorg.org/titols/067-assplay-the-100-videos/
    u can see it there. i hope to god u get to see it, its super short but REALLY important. i should add, its an analysis of pinocchio, one that will blow your mind. also, as a bonus, if u could get ur hands on the fourth part of steves final thought series, called the natural look, DO IT. he is a true genius of the medium.

  • TheGreatDocterDinkle ` says:

    Matpat's weird stalker (aka me): oooohhhh he swearin
    Matpat's stereotypical annoying mother: Mathew Patrick have you done been swearin????!!!!

  • TheGreatDocterDinkle ` says:

    Here's a theory. Why isn't Waluigi in smash ultimate?????????!!!!!!!!! (proceeds to add to many exclamation/question marks)

  • Creeper Productions09 says:

    When i was so young i heard a misunderstanding Here it is..
    Fairy:Because tonight Gepetto wished for a real Toy
    And another
    A random boy: What do you think i look like? A Fatass?

  • Arguably, the reason that the Blue Fairy doesn't make Pinocchio completely human is because the key to becoming FULLY human is morality. This is something that one gains through life experience, starting from before we're even born. Pinocchio is given the advantage of starting out as a child, so he needs to use that to his advantage and go from an amoral puppet who, like an animal, has very little sense of morality, only doing what ends in more rewards than punishment, to a human who can think abstractly and look at the bigger picture, enduring hardship and help other at the cost of his pleasure.

    It's kind of like my Changer stories. These animals may be given the gift of re-structuring their DNA and changing into any animal or a human (with a balance of limitations and special skill for those who practice), but they have to choose whether they wish to follow the path of a human or an animal…and be judged as such. Morality is the key. It's not enough to want to help people with your great abilities; you have to avoid hurting others, and know that sometimes, your helping someone does more harm than good. Sometimes, you have to let people solve their own problems.

  • Arguably, the reason that the Blue Fairy doesn't make Pinocchio completely human is because the key to becoming FULLY human is morality. This is something that one gains through life experience, starting from before we're even born. Pinocchio is given the advantage of starting out as a child, so he needs to use that to his advantage and go from an amoral puppet who, like an animal, has very little sense of morality, only doing what ends in more rewards than punishment, to a human who can think abstractly and look at the bigger picture, enduring hardship and help other at the cost of his pleasure.

    It's kind of like my Changer stories. These animals may be given the gift of re-structuring their DNA and changing into any animal or a human (with a balance of limitations and special skill for those who practice), but they have to choose whether they wish to follow the path of a human or an animal…and be judged as such. Morality is the key. It's not enough to want to help people with your great abilities; you have to avoid hurting others, and know that sometimes, your helping someone does more harm than good. Sometimes, you have to let people solve their own problems.

  • Jb_robotic games says:

    dude what about the electric bill and people to help him bring in the rides and fixing them and there is another thing water bills but if he uses dirty water like he is pure evil but I am thinking he does not want any one to escape or die from the water and also plumbing cost and to fix lamps,tents and there might be more off screen like walls but great theory but if you did all put that into your math I would of been like Thanos saying impossible meme other then that stuff I just said. you had to plan for at least 5 pages of just thoughts so every thing is fantastic with all your theory's like how do you do it for a couple of years straight is just WOW also please do more classic disney movies or anything else once again your video's are great!!!

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